


It's Angst Time folks

by NotPitifulChildrenAnymore



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Aromantic Asexual Christine Canigula, Chloe Valentine Has Feelings, F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Mom Friend Christine Canigula, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:47:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27152014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotPitifulChildrenAnymore/pseuds/NotPitifulChildrenAnymore
Summary: It's Christine angst. It'll be pretty heavy, but TW's will be added at the beginning of the chapter. It's my first fic so enjoy I guess?
Relationships: Brooke Lohst & Chloe Valentine, Christine Canigula & Jeremy Heere, Jake Dillinger & Rich Goranski
Comments: 10
Kudos: 10





	1. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a preface to the story... I got inspired by an AU in which Christine and Rich were friends pre- squip and went from there!

Christine had been dreading this conversation for a while.

It wasn’t exactly a fear of confrontation per say. It was more that the group needed someone to keep the peace, and Christine had experience with that. 

The idea of Chloe as a mediator was… laughable. Brooke hated confrontation, and would do anything to stay out of the issue. Ditto with Jeremy. Michael was opinionated in his own right, and was often the one needing a mediator. Jake usually stayed out of it due to conflict of interests, and Rich? Kept Christine on her toes as she tried her best to keep him out of trouble. Therefore, it landed on Christine. 

She hated it. Trying to filter her thoughts and opinions so as not to cause a stir? Reminded her too much of her counsellor. She’d hated those hours spent sitting in that overstuffed chair trying to force herself to stop moving. It felt wrong and stifling, unnatural. Pasting on a hugely fake smile and nodding along to the seemingly endless comments- usually observations about every little thing she did. 

She remembered the earlier sessions, before she’d been too scared to voice anything. They’d been in the middle of discussing what her mother had said about her tendency to overwhelm a conversation. She’d interrupted, wondering aloud what exactly was wrong with it. Mr. Labella had fixed her with a cold unwavering stare, complementing how to best word what he was about to say. He did that often, and liked to point out when he did to Christine, as though by doing it he could get it to rub off on her. 

“Miss Canigula, I would like to take a moment to think about what you have just said.” 

She’d fixed her stare directly at a spot above his abnormally large head, noting for the tenth time the pure snowy white of the walls. Asylum white she’d decided to call it. Not of course that she’d been inside of an asylum. But it sounded impressive.

“Well, I honestly don’t get it, what’s so bad about liking to make conversation?” 

A sigh, and he pushed his glasses up on his nose. This time, she met his gaze defiantly. 

“Do you know what you are here for?” 

She considered this. “Due to underlying issues.” she decided. At least, that was what her mother had announced the day she walked grim faced into Christine’s room, report card in hand. 

“Well, yes. Most specifically, your ADD. You have potential Miss Caligula. We just have to work through a few… quirks.” She’d smiled, assuming this was a good thing. Her first grade teacher had called her quirky, always with a ruffle of her ebony waves. She’d always assumed it was a good thing. 

Mr. Labella had been quick to dispute that with a frown. “It’s something that we’ll have to work through of course.” 

That session had upset her, and she’d been glad to get home. Sitting on the porch, letting the warm summer breeze caress her face. Before long, Rich had been there too, and they’d spent the rest of the evening roundly abusing Mr. Labella. Rich insisted that he was wrong, and that “Your quirks are amazing Chrissy! It’s why we’re friends.” He’d leaned in with the air of someone about to indulge the greatest secret as he informed her, “I can be pretty quirky too.” Christine giggled at this, it felt like some kind of secret club to her little ten year old self. She’d quit therapy after that conversation (her father hadn't had anything to say in the matter and her mother had just sighed dramatically), secure in the idea that she didn’t need it. In Rich’s eyes, she was perfect as she was. That validation from her first friend? Was more than enough. 

Then sophomore year hit. Chloe had left her alone for the most part, never sparing her so much of a glance. Brooke always seemed like she wanted to come over and talk to her, but she didn’t. That was okay, they weren’t bullying Christine. She could even put up with the occasional strange look from the other school bullies. It was that fateful day that Rich had glanced her way for the first time in forever, and without so much of a hint of remorse tossed a “nerd” over his shoulder that broke her. She’d ran home that night and grabbed a pair of scissors, cutting her nearing waist length hair up to her shoulders. It hadn’t been too choppy, and it got what she desired. A few shockingly non hostile glances from Chloe, and even a quick hello from Madeline. She knew she needed more though. So she picked up the phone and placed a call. She’d learned to channel her energy into the stage, and her performance. 

It was amazing, that feeling. She wasn’t Christine Canigula, the girl with quirks. She was Juliet, queen of a tragedy. She was anyone but her, and she loved it. Only Jake hadn’t seemed to rush at her to compliment her hair, or note that she’d seemed different. She noted his excited smile though, as he watched her take the stage and give that performance her all. That caught her attention, and made her conviction waiver. So she tried to see how Jeremy felt about that energy and passion. See if it would scare him off like she’d been told it would. It hadn’t though. If anything, he seemed to enjoy it. Then Jake asked her out. To think that it was because of her quirkiness, and not because of how she’d tried to control it. What a theory! She’d ignored Chloe’s pointed suggestions about Jake, she was just jealous. Christine couldn’t blame her, he was quite the guy when you got to know him. For the first time in a long time, she was happy. Content. She still loved theater, she just didn’t need it as an outlet anymore. She could genuinely enjoy it, and roll along with it. 

Brooke and Jenna had become quick confidants, and even Chloe was warming up to her. So she wasn’t the warmest person, but Christine had experience breaking through that. She had an ex turned best friend in Jeremy, the most peaceful breakup ever. It was comical actually, the way they had both prepared speeches about their break up, Jeremys assuring her at least ten times it wasn’t her, and Christine informing him she hoped they could still be friends. Michael had embraced her like a sister, though like with Chloe it took time. Jake was a good friend, and Christine was forever grateful that he admired her for her. Yet one person remained. Rich. 

She booted up her phone yet again, staring at the twenty eighth version of her original message she still couldn’t bring herself to send. It had to be perfect, and it was far from in her eyes. God what she’d give to be able to have Chloe's admittedly impressive confidence. So she called her up, waiting. 

“Hey Chrissy! Just a moment, I’m putting the finishing touches on my makeup.”

Christine waited patiently, not bothering to point out Chloe had been doing that when she’d called her a whopping three hours ago. A pause and then, “Okay, shoot. What’s up?”

“So you know that text I was telling you about earlier?”

An indecipherable noise and then, “yes…”

“ I haven’t sent it yet.”

“Chrissyyyy” Chloe groaned, “come on!”

“ I know, I know.”

“If you weren’t so adamant about it, I would be over there kicking his butt.”

“Chlo, remember your breathing.”

“Christine I swear to god… okay fine.” Another pause as Chloe gathered herself. “So what have you got so far?”

Christine couldn’t help but frown at the hopeful tint in Chloe's tone. “Why exactly are you so ready for me to send this?”

“Since I’ve got a huge crush on you and I’m secretly hoping that his response allows me to go over there and beat him up for your honor?” Chloe managed in a perfect deadpan.

“Chlo.”

“Okay fine. I just hate that you get in your own way Chris. You deserve answers, and you won’t let anyone else get them for you. Which I totally get. You just gotta do it”

Christine hesitated, but sighed. “ Thanks Chlo.”

“ Anytime mon cheri.” Christine hung up then, and stared at the message, before hitting send.

Christiiiiine <<< TherealRichardGoranski 

Christiiiiine: Hey Rich! I’ve kinda been meaning to ask you something, is it okay if we talk? 

TherealRichardGoranski: Yeah sure, what’s up? 

Christiiiiine: So I’m not sure how much you remember. If you can’t say or don’t want to, that's more than okay. I’ve just been wondering… Jeremy told me about optic nerve blocking, and how his SQUIP would force him to say things he didn’t want. I was just wondering, did yours ever do that when it came to me? 

*TherealRichardGoranski is typing* 

TherealRichardGoranski: er... no. I’m really sorry Chris. 

*TherealRichardGoranski is typing* 

TherealRichardGoranski: Chrissy? You there?


	2. It's getting real folks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear I love my girl... all my beans just need to suffer
> 
> TW:  
> Self harm  
> Blood
> 
> Please don't be afraid to comment and tell me what you think, yell at me for doing this to Christine, or if your as heartless as me, praise the angst!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Self harm  
> Blood
> 
> Please keep in mind that this is a serious angst work, and it will get dark. Proceed with caution when reading further on and if you are struggling please remember that self harm is never the answer. I drew inspiration from experiences and thoughts I've had before, and I hope I can do it justice.
> 
> Please don't be afraid to comment and tell me what you think, yell at me for doing this to Christine, or if your as heartless as me, praise the angst!!! I swear i can do fluff... maybe? Chloe centric fic coming up soon :0

Well then. 

That was her answer she guessed. 

It was her answer, and she’d gotten what she wanted. The first person to believe in her, the first person to encourage her quirkiness. Guess he’d never believed it. Okay, fine. Breathe in and out. How many times had she given Chloe that same advice? Breathe in and out until you’ve gotten your thoughts settled and under control. She considered calling Brooke, it would probably help. She could vent to her, explain exactly how she was feeling. Then she recalled Rich, so far from who she’d known, calling her a nerd. It went deeper than that. She wasn’t just a nerd, but a coward. She didn’t need to run to Brooke and tell her, or call Chloe and probably have her beat up Rich. She just had to grit her teeth, woman up and deal. But how? 

She recalled what Michael had described the reason for why he’d done what he had. “I didn’t have a SQUIP of my own, and I thought it helped. Just brought more pain though. That’s over now thankfully.” It was a theory. She would deal with the pain later, she just needed something. She glanced over to the bottle on her night stand, a tacky orange. It made her feel sluggish and rather reminded her of being squipped. No voices, but the same lack of control of herself. On the other hand, her bathroom. She knew it would be easy to get what she needed in there. So she walked over to her bathroom, careful to lock the door. Rummaging through the off white medicine cabinet, she found what she needed and ripped open the flap to expose the smooth plastic handle and cold metal sliver. It was tiny, and quite frankly seemed like nothing. That was, until she positioned it over her left wrist and quickly made the slash. “OW!” She bit her cheek, observing the cut. There was an odd calm to the gushing blood, watching it pour as she imagined the comments going with it. The initial announcement that she would have to take therapy and another cut. That one session and another, deeper this time. At this point her blood was rushing as though it was a waterfall and her skin a dam holding it back. Finally, that fateful day and the deepest one so far, one that seemed to dig inside her skin as it ravaged it. Salty tears mixed with the blood as the shock of what she’d done hit, and she sank onto the floor. She couldn’t bring herself to care about the blood dripping onto the tiles. 

The vibration hit as the song “Only Girl” began to blare. Chloe had insisted on having it as her ringtone, something to set her apart from the rest of Christine's contacts. The song choice was meant to be ironic, but Christine couldn’t bring herself to tell Chloe that as she gushed on about it, as though she didn’t have ten million boys after her as though she was the only girl in the world. Though none of them mattered really, Chloe had admitted with an uncharacteristically sheepish grin. So it stayed, despite all the times Christine swore she would change it. Now, there was a call to attend to, which meant it was time to clean up. Turning on the tap and running water over her wrist, washing away the blood. Wrapping the bandages, she considered a new dilemma. It wasn’t uncommon for her to wear a jacket, and she was the least likely person to do what she had done. She just had to cover it, and figure out how to get them to heal, it wasn’t as though it was going to be a continuing thing. Right? She was already starting to feel exactly what Michael had described. She felt… grounded. As though the pain was taking away from everything else. Clean up done, she got back to her phone, intent on returning Chloe's call and… “ Seventeen texts? Really?” She scrolled through twelve from Chloe and one from Brooke, leaving only four left from Rich. She promptly swiped over to block, and deleted the messages right after. She shot Brooke a quick reassurance that all was well, they were still on for movie night before bracing herself for what was to come. Sure enough, “Chrissy oh my god so what happened?!!” “Well, he responded.” “ Aww Chris I’m so proud of you! So?” “I got my answer.” Chloe was liable to blow up over these answers, impatient and not used to having to dig for information. But she was shockingly calm as she prompted, “ That’s good. Was it what you expected?” Now this was an easy question to answer. “Yep, it was.” “Oh, okay. Well, I’m glad you got what you’ve been waiting for. I’m waiting for Brooke to come and we’ll be there.” “Great! See you guys soon!” “Love ya Chrissy, bye!!!” A click, and done. 

Christine had been considering wearing her brand new pajama set, a Hamilton inspired ensemble with a short sleeved top and sleep shorts. It was always cold in the Canigula household, so she could probably get away with wearing her fluffy, extravagant pitch black robe that fell to her knees and was admittedly too long at the sleeves but was oh so comfortable. She contemplated the thin long robe with stunning lace sleeves she had gotten during Romeo and Juliet. But the sleeves wouldn’t do their purpose, so she returned it back to the hanger with a regretful frown. Fluffy it was. The bathroom was spotless again except for the open bottle of lipgloss on the counter, reminding her of the one task she’d had to finish before they came. She considered herself in the mirror. Her wavy, short ebony hair was mostly loose except for a small braid, wrapped around the side and clipped down in the back. Her dark eyes had been lined with a pencil eyeliner, quick and subtle. Her lips were a petal pink, just adding to her overall glow. It was as though nothing had happened. Right on time. Pajamas on, she slipped on the robe, nodding her approval. The doorbell rang, and Christine ran down opening the door to come face to face with Chloe. Backing up, Christine determinedly looked anywhere else, which happened to be Brooke's amused face. “Wow Chlo.” “I know right! I saw this shirt and knew I simply had to have it.” It was a gorgeous deep red tank top, it looked light and comfortable. Matched with a pair of plain black shorts, she looked amazing as usual. Chloe tossed her brunette curls to the side, drawing attention to her wide blue eyes. They were lined with a dark liquid liner, ending in a perfect wing. Her full lips were a pink brown, a color that complimented her liner. “I also brought a robe!!!” she exclaimed, reaching into her purse to reveal a robe not unlike Christine’s Romeo and Juliet styled one, except for less lace. It was Chloe in a nutshell, elegant yet dramatic at the same time with a hint of intrigue. She made her way into the house, making her way over to greet Christine's parents, slipping on the robe all the while. Brooke stood in the doorway, her vivid green eyes shy and asking the question for her. “Brooke, you look gorgeous! I mean, you always do but… wow!” Where Chloe was all sorts of gorgeous, Brooke was in the less conventional way. She tended to go the understated route, so anytime she emphasized that beauty was rare, yet always good for a shock. Her eyeliner was like a blend between Christine's understated, subtle strokes and Chloe’s bold, dramatic winged liner. The result served to make her eyes pop in one of the most attractive ways possible, well suited to her already large and wide eyes. Her full, naturally plump lips were a deep red, a color that complimented her green eyes and blonde locks, which were done in a simple high pony. As if that wasn’t enough, her cheeks were a light pink, and she was wearing a flattering v-neck t-shirt. She had opted to wear a robe, a fluffy yet short one that had a hood with adorable little dog ears. 

“Aww, thank you Chrissy!” Brooke squealed, leaning in for a hug. Christine reciprocated, and Brooke leaned in a bit closer and whispered, “It’s a pushup bra” Christine pulled away in confusion, and Brooke shot her a wink and a sly smile as she gestured subtly toward Chloe, who was regaling Mrs. Canigula with a long story about god knows what. To Mrs. Canigula's credit, she was listening to whatever it was with rapt attention, as though it was simply fascinating. “No way” Christine whispered back. “Um yeah, it so is. I mean, they are huge.” “Brookie, I thought you were certain.” “Nearly certain.” Brooke amended. “Well, Chloe’s are naturally huge.” “That’s true” Brooke allowed, glancing down at her own fair sized cleavage. At any rate, she was certainly filling in that v-neck better than Christine could have. “Chances of Chloe getting blown off course or stopping anytime soon?” Brooke contemplated this and shrugged nonchalantly. “I say another 15 if your mom is in a rush, and 45 if she’s not.” “Date night with my dad, I’ll give it 25 until my dad comes down and interrupts.” They passed the time comfortably, standing there as they exchanged far fetched stories about what Chloe may have been talking about. 30 minutes later, they made their way out of the large foyer and into the expansive living room. Chloe automatically made her way to the couch, putting down her bag and turning to the other two. “Okay, I know what you’re both thinking.” Brooke and Christine exchanged a glance, wondering what exactly Chloe thought they were thinking. “Yes, these are real. No it’s not a pushup, and yes I know they are huge.” Brooke kept an angelically clear face as though this had been the farthest thing from her mind. Christine didn’t have half as much luck, and couldn’t help the snicker that escaped. Chloe sculpted her stunning features into a look of fierce disapproval, before automatically letting it fall and laughing too. “All jokes aside, they are very much real,” she informed them. Christine shot her finger guns, and Brooke flashed her the okay sign. A good two minutes were spent with all three girls just staring at each other before falling to the ground in laughter. “Musicals!!!” Christine announced, entering her password and connecting to the speaker within a matter of seconds. Chloe faked a groan from down on the floor as Brooke grabbed a pillow and hugged it close. The speakers were blaring Right Hand Man, and all was good.


	3. A.N.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an AN, but I swear more is coming! What comes next? I'm leaving up to you guys

Thank you so much to everyone who has read this so far... I hope I've been able to do Christines character justice! 

So I have written out the morning after the sleepover BUT I am curious if anyone is interested in reading about the shenanigans the girls get up to during the sleepover, or if I should just make allusions to it

Let me know in the comments, and I hope you've enjoyed the story so far!


	4. PSA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some important info

Hey everybody! Happy Friday! I want to apologize for the slow updates on this story, and just say I swear this isn't on hiatus or anything, it's just going to be very time consuming

This is taking on ideas of depression, self harm, and some pretty dark stuff. That in itself means that I need to take the time to reread and edit accordingly and plan ahead to make sure that I represent it with accuracy and in a way that doesn't romanticize it yet also gets across why someone may turn to it. I've been there, and I owe it to myself and everyone who has faced this struggle to make sure it is accurate.

Next is the fact that I am also writing about a character with ADD. The balance between representing the day to days struggles and acknowleging that THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO is something that takes perfecting and time, most importantly research. Weeding out common misconceptions, accounts from people who have ADD on what their life with it is like, looking into medications and ADHD versus ADD, the differences and what that means. Like I said before, I owe everyone who struggles with it or knows someone who struggles with it accurate representation.

When I decided to take this on I also decided to take on this job of accurate representation and all the work that must go into it. The ADD rep we found in Christine has only heightened my love and respect for BMC, and I don't want to ignore it or act as though it doesn't exist. Likewise, I want it to be accurate and make sure that I don’t imply it overwhelms every aspect of life, as it doesn't for everyone. In developing a personality for Christine while properly representing the struggles ADD causes, research is necessary and it will take time.

I'm uber excited about this fic and what comes next, but I can't deny it'll take work and time. So thank you all for your patience and stay tuned!


	5. the calm before the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an UPDATE!!! Hope you all enjoy!

Chloe had woken up at 4 am and made a beeline straight into the bathroom with her makeup bag in hand. Christine had discovered this the hard way when she got up at 4:30 just ready to use the bathroom when Chloe poked her head out, mascara in hand. 

“Chrissy. How come you’ve never told me you had a vanity?” 

A very sleep deprived Christine simply stared at her, not understanding a word of this. What she was sure of, was that it was way too early for anyone to be so excited. She looked into her bathroom and was certain she’d been transported to a Sephora. Ten different lipstick colors were lined up, at least three eyeshadow pallets, six eyeliners each of varying wear and brand, and the makeup brushes. A slew of blushes laid open, awaiting judgement and of course, a bottle of hairspray, five hairbrushes, a curling wand and straightening iron and finally...

“Chlo, is that an eyelash curler?”

“No, it’s a medievil torture device.” Brooke informed her, awake from the light streaming from the now open bathroom. 

“Brooke you’ve seen me do this millions of times- you know what this is,” Chloe huffed, now selecting an eyeshadow palette. Brooke simply exchanged a look with Christine, too tired to make the words come to her. 

“Anything else you two?” Chloe asked. 

“Uh yeah. Did you buy out Sephora?” 

“What? No, this isn’t even a fraction of what I have in my bag. Even that was after I tossed together like an eighth of what I have at home.” 

“Believe it, Chloe’s room is a makeup store with a convenient bed and vanity included.”

“Brooke! Honestly, go back to sleep, both of you.” 

”Aww Chlo that almost makes it seem like you care about our sleep!” Christine gushed. 

“Chloe is the secret mom friend we need.” Brooke seconded. 

”No, Chloe wants you all out of the bathroom so I can get this makeup done.” 

“Seriously that get back to bed gives go home you're drunk vibes.” Christine decided. 

Chloe simply raised an eyebrow at that, and said “Is it mom friend or go home you're drunk?” 

“Both” Brooke and Christine decided in unison. 

“Get. To. Bed. or just get out the bathroom.” 

Brooke shrugged, and walked off, grabbing Christine’s wrist as she went. Christine bit her lip, Brooke’s grip was strong and she could already feel the wounds opening. 

She was pretty sure that she had the proper bandages in the downstairs bathroom. She pulled away, muttering something about having to use the bathroom as she walked off quickly. So apparently she wouldn’t be getting any more sleep. Not that she needed it, watching the blood begin to trickle as she remembered exactly what had happened was more than productive in waking her up. A few quick minutes later she was feeling better, or at least not completely miserable. She cleaned up quickly and ran up to her room, tossing aside clothing options as she vetoed each one. 

Her mother came in, her sharp gaze roving across Christine’s room and resting on her frazzled expression. 

“Your friends are waiting downstairs dear” she informed her. 

Christine searched her mother's expression, searching for some other message in her gaze. Not finding anything, she scanned the room absentmindedly as she took note of a post it note she swore wasn’t there before. She vaguely wondered who could have put it there, and what it might have said. Post it notes reminded her that they were doing annotations again in English. Typically not Christine's favorite, but it wasn’t horrible. At least once that was over they’d move onto character analysis, which was typically fun. 

“Christine!” 

Her mother was standing with that orange pill bottle in hand. Christine's nose wrinkled slightly, and her mother sighed. 

“Christine dear, you do remember what we last discussed about your Adderall don’t you?” 

“Yes but-” 

Her thought was cut off by her mother placing the bottle in her hand, discussion over. “I’ll see you downstairs in a bit.” 

Christine nodded, frowning down at the orange and white capsules. Taking in a breath, she counted them out and swallowed. That finally being done, she returned to her pursuit of a perfect outfit for the day. As she was contemplating, there was a knock on the door and Brooke and Chloe popped in. 

”Hey! Sorry, did I miss anything?” 

Chloe began on a rant about something Madeline had said to Jake the other day (when she’d realize it was a lost cause Christine had no clue, she had a feeling Jake could make out with Rich right in front of Madeline and Madeline would still keep trying) as Brooke stepped over to Christine’s closet, taking note of each discarded top and bottoms combo. As Christine continued the search and gave a response to every one of Chloe’s remarks accordingly she allowed herself to wonder about the day. 

She loved seeing everyone, and today Mr. Reyes would be announcing the play the drama team would be doing. She’d secretly been hoping for Macbeth, Lady Macbeth was the epitome of strong roles for women in the theater. Plus, on the off chance Jeremy ended up trying out for Macbeth it would be fun getting to tease him via Shakespearean monologue. 

Then she remembered that it wouldn’t end so well, and contained herself. As much as she’d love to act alongside one of her best friends, it wasn’t worth it. 

It was one of those things she had to keep in mind and adjust accordingly for. Just like she knew to try to include Jenna in whatever conversation she was having, that Brooke always glowed a little brighter when Christine complimented her on the little things, that Michael usually needed his alone time at certain points and always appreciated when Christine pointed out easy exit points and helped cover for him. The way that Jake could usually use someone steadying during extracurricular sign ups particularly with winter sports coming up, reminding him to limit himself. The way that Chloe didn’t always need someone turning a blind eye to the tears as the comments rolled in, but someone to be there. The way Jeremy sometimes felt the pain of scars not so far long gone, and needed company. Whatever Rich needed, she wouldn’t know, but she still kept an eye on him. Sometimes operating through Jake or Chloe to get him whatever she could tell he needed without outright giving it to him. Just in case, she didn’t want him to reject it. 

In exchange, she got to know friendships she hadn’t known in a long time. The pure laughter that came from hearing some of Jenna’s stories. Getting to watch Brooke’s excitement when she was given the floor to share her passions, and how intently she’d listen to Christine’s too. That moment when Michael handed her a controller, accepting her as Player 3. Jake’s genuine admiration for her skills and things that brought her happiness, and getting to hear him open up to her. Learning about the whip-smart, sarcastic and witty girl Chloe was beneath her vener. The confidant and friend she’d gained in Jeremy, and getting to just be complete and utter nerds together. She had been looking forward to getting to know Rich again, and seeing who he’d become without the SQUIP. She knew that it would take time, and it would be a long and painful process for both of them. So she’d step aside and let him get to know himself first. After all, one of the first lessons she learned was not to interrupt someone else's problems with her own. 

Just learn to deal with it as you must. Interrupting her compilations was Brookes excited squeal, which Christine figured was connected to the top and black skirt she was now holding. Chloe had looked up from her phone, and put it down as her eyes scanned the shirt. 

“Wait Chrissy, you’ve been to pride?” “Yep! That’s where I got this!” 

She gestured towards the small asexual flag pin that adorned the plain t-shirt Brooke was holding. 

”I think that that is an adorable outfit for the day. Unless I’m interrupting some pre- scheduled pin day between you, Jerry and Micha?” Chloe asked, her tone full of genuine curiosity. 

Snorting, Christine took up the outfit and slipped into the bathroom to change as she responded. “Nothing of the sort, though they are probably starting some sort of patch club. I blame Brooke by the way, you got the boy one patch and now he’s obsessed.” 

”Michael said he was proud of me for introducing him to patches, so it can’t be all that bad.” 

Christine simply hummed in response, conceding. Finally ready, they all headed out. Remembering, Christine grabbed her medication and struggled with her bag so she could fit the bottle into the little flap. Unfortunately, it was a bit too little, which led to it falling out just as she approached the school. Right in front of Rich.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while...
> 
> Okay so this officially has an update schedule! Tune in for new chapters every Monday- and please comment if you enjoy the story so far!
> 
> I love to hear your thoughts and ideas- and thank you so much to my regular readers for all of the encouragement and kind comments!
> 
> Anything in italics is a ✨flashback✨- which I thought it could be cool to explore! May or may not do more of them depending on whether or not it gets too confusing

_“Did you really just insult her and think I’d find it funny?”_

_“Rich”_

_He turned around, smiling at the sight of Christine. She wasn’t looking at him, her gaze squarely on Madeline as her hands flew to her sides, her fingers wrapped tightly around the handle of her book bag. He frowned a little at the sight of it, and she just shook her head nearly imperceptibly._

_Madeline watched the two of them, shaking her head in mock disapproval_

_“You have potential, Rich. I don’t know why you insist upon wasting it with friends like-“ she paused, gesturing towards Christine. “- her and that… headphones kid”_

_Rich was about to step forward, but Christine had gotten there quicker. Smiling brightly (and falsely if Rich was reading her correctly) she observed Madeline for a moment_

_“You have potential too Madeline! Shouldn’t you be getting back to chasing after Chloe and hoping she’ll finally give you her attention? Who knows- maybe she actually learned your name! It’s bound to happen eventually isn’t it?”_

_Madeline turned bright red, and Christine's eyes widened in mock innocence_

_“Or have you moved on to trying to get Brooke’s attention- she’s popular AND has connections to Chloe. Really- you should go for it. You belong with the popular people- and I’m sure Chloe is just dying to be your friend! You know- because you have so much to offer people and all”_

_She shot Rich a quick wink, and he noted with some satisfaction that Madeline was slowly beginning to walk away._

_“I could have handled it”_

_He mentally cursed himself for sounding like a little kid in serious need of an ego trip, but Christine did him a favor and just ignored him. She let go of her backpack strap, and he could practically feel the relief radiating off of her as her fingers began to tap against the locker and her toes began to wave a little hello from inside her shoes._

_“You don’t have to try to…”_

_“Hmm?”_

_He didn’t know if she didn’t want to address it, or if she genuinely hadn’t heard what he was saying, so he let it drop for a moment._

_“You don’t have to try to hold it in just because of her.”_

_Christine made a face, shrugging slightly._

_“I know… but it’s not just her”_

_“Then who? You can tell me- I can handle it”_

_As if to prove his point, he subconsciously flexed, showing off…. well- nothing. He sighed to himself. Why was this whole friendship thing so hard? He wasn’t interested in her- but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing. Thankfully she had the good grace to pretend she hadn’t seen- or maybe she really hadn’t._

_“Unless you’d like to beat up my entire family? Be my guest!”_

_He cringed a little at that, remembering._

_“Still?”_

_She laughed- not her typical tinkling, light laugh but a slightly sarcastic, annoyed one he knew only people who really knew her ever got to explain._

_“God knows it would probably kill them to give up their favorite hobby- judging that is- so the way I see it I’m doing them a favor!”_

_He eyed her skeptically._

_“Not funny Chrissy...”_

_She just shrugged again, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation at the moment._

_“So- what was it today?” At the look on his face, she rolled her eyes slightly. “I’m a big girl- I can take it”_

_It had been bad today. He knew that she knew as well as he did all the comments that usually came rolling in, and that she had heard every variation of what Madeline decided to throw her way. But Madeline had decided to go personal- speculating about why exactly Christine disappeared during the third period each day._

_“Um…”_

_She nodded at that, her lips pulling into a quick smile as she waved, seeing Mr. Reyes._

_“Figured.”_

_She bumped his shoulder lightly, smiling._

_“Cheer up! We’ll always have each other at any rate!”_

_That was the plan at least._

“Watch it!”

“Sorry- sorry…”

Rich huffed to himself, rolling his eyes a little. Typical- his first week back and he’d already managed to bump into somebody. On the bright side- most of the kids seemed to be avoiding him. And that was what he’d wanted… right?

He knew he was in trouble the moment he felt Dustin's sneakers approaching, sticking out and landing in his path. Before he so much as had a chance to avoid it, he tripped and fell.

“Do you need help?”

He looked up, noting an orange medicine bottle on his way up. His eyes connected with a pair of darker ones, and he blinked once as his brain made the connection.

She was still waiting expectantly, and he caught a flash of blonde hair as he watched someone pass by her, squeezing her hand slightly as something was whispered. She nodded a little, turning her attention back to Rich. She seemed slightly entertained, but her smile fell a little as she seemed to make the same connection he had earlier. She stood there for a moment, silver bracelets he knew she loved because they gave her something to fidget with swaying in the breeze.

He’d been about to say something, but before he could that same blonde from earlier- Brooke he knew now- had come back and in one quick move swooped up the bottle, passing it over to Christine before holding a hand out to him. 

He stared at it for a moment, not quite sure what to do with it before accepting it. As he brushed himself off, he scanned Christine's face for any sort of a reaction. But she just fiddled with the sleeves of her jacket, her face shockingly impassive for someone who usually wore her emotions on her sleeve- though he credited it to whatever was in the bottle. He was surprised to say the least- it had been a while since she’d taken those meds that he could remember. 

That he could remember. Yeah- that explained a lot.

He felt the guilt flooding him, and he bit back his question. He had a ton of things he wanted to say- but he just couldn’t bring himself to start. 

She watched him, raising an eyebrow. She went to push back a piece of stray hair from her face, and he was struck with a rush from the sudden familiarity of the motion, the millions of times he’d watched her do it before accompanied by a laugh that was familiar to him as his own.

She wasn’t laughing now, though he could see her struggling to keep a straight face. Something seemed to have changed quickly though, as her features turned a bit guarded within the course of a matter of seconds.

“You okay?”

“Yeah…”

His attention was on the quick flash of white he’d been sure he’d seen under her sleeve, but it was gone quicker then he’d seen it. She wouldn’t- right?

He didn’t know anymore- and that hurt more than then the burns now flaring angrily from his time in the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protective Rich owns my heart-
> 
> Also the flashback is any time before sophomore year when Rich got his squip- it’ll all be chronological and leading up to the events of... something. You’ll have to wait and see though ;)


End file.
